more beany goodness

I graduated from the fertility center!!!!!!

165 bpm and measured 8w6d! (by insemination I'm about 8w1d.) 

I thought today's photo would be more gummy bear like, but it's still blob like.

We are growing strong and I'm going to officially relax.

Really, I am.

You can come check on me to make sure.

And bring me a smoothie.

And some gum because my mouth tastes like ass!

Tomorrow is my next appointment.

I am positive that we are going to get great news and be officially released from the infertility facility.

I am so comfortable at that office, I feel like I'll be attending a new school and have to make new friends.

I called today to make an appointment at the new/old place (I went there for a few appts. during pregnancy #2) and I tell them I am 8 weeks pregnant and they then ask me to come see them in FOUR weeks.

I said, "Isn't there some type of scan that is done at ELEVEN WEEKS?". 

"Oh, is that something you'd want to do?".

"Well, I'd like to keep my options open".

I couldn't BELIEVE they didn't want to see me until 12 wks! WTF?

Instead of the 9.21 appt she offered me, we settled on 9.8 at 8am.

Much better.

I don't want to miss any tests or any opportunity to be poked either in the vagina or in the arm.

I will also be sure they know I've spotted and that my anxiety level is HIGH!

But hopefully my anxiety will decrease exponentially in the next few weeks.

deep breaths.

deep breaths.

a BIG sigh of relief.

140 bpm and growing!!!!!!!

I'll give you a peace

"Peace of mind" sono appointment tomorrow.

My anxiety has been through the roof.

I've been crampy and have had some random spotting.

I'm scared.

I don't want a repeat.

Please, I want to keep this one.

how do you know

A wonderful woman on one of my boards posed the question:

You know you have been TTC a long time when......

and she asked people to finish the sentence.

Here is how I could finish that sentence.....

......I set my alarm on the weekend to take my temperature.

.....I order pregnancy tests in bulk from the cheapest place online.

......I start testing at 11 dpo.

......I just expect another negative and am already planning the next cycle.

......I plan sex. BOOOOO!

......I get upset in the 2ww- I'm doing NOTHING but waiting (no injections or doc visits!)

......I wait till the last minute to plan our vacation b/c who knows where will be in the TTC process.

I'm sure there are a hundred more.

I am pregnant now so I can change that sentence to: "you know you're pregnant when.....".

I'll post those next time. 

Next appointment is 8/25.

Wow. Let the waiting begin.

Hopefully I can live a little before then and not worry about every twinge and cramp.

Too bad I can't have a margarita to take the edge away.

Speaking of, that was my last drink.

I took a test 11dpiui and it was negative. 

That was a Friday night and we usually eat out.

I was disappointed to see a negative test so I had TWO margaritas.

I will remember those margaritas for a long, long time.

Amazing!

We have LIFE!

130 bpm and it was beautiful.

Everything measured on track!

Going back in 10-14 days.

Can't promise I will still have fingernails then.

We saw more "structure".

Next sonogram is on Tuesday, hope to see that BEAUTIFUL flicker.

Then maybe I can relax a bit and we can stop calling it a flipping STRUCTURE!

Non dramatic post today. 

But not because it's not good, but just because I am TIRED!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!

HCG = 2042

A different nurse called me today, I was so happy to not hear my nurse's voice. 

Have I mentioned that I don't like her?

I really enjoyed Brenda's voice much better.

Tomorrow is a "free day". No appointments!

I can't wait till great news on Friday. 

We should be able to see something INSIDE the gestational sac!

"something"

Nervous as hell sitting in the waiting room.

They are running behind on the day I need to get answers soonest! ACK.

Thankfully DH is there to hold my hand as I wanted to burst into tears right in the waiting room without knowing anything.

I guess that's the kicker. NOT KNOWING ANYTHING is not only the kicker, it's killer. I tell ya, I'm so glad I didn't forget my deodorant this morning.

After waiting half undressed for another 8 mins 25 secs (but who's counting?) in the exam room, the nurse and doc arrive.

"How are you?". Geez, if I could ONLY say what I'm thinking. "HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM? SHOVE THAT DILDO UP THERE AND LET'S GET ON WITH THIS!!!!".

"I'm nervous" is all I say with more tears about to stream now.

He puts the transducer in and tells me he sees "something" in the uterus. "Possible gestational sac".

What else can it be if it's not a sac?

A blood clot.

Gee, thanks for keeping me hopeful.

I realize they need to remain cautious too but is he the most clinical doctor EVER.

He again asked if there were sharp pains or spotting. 

No. I'm pretty tolerant to pain but I think I'd know what "sharp" feels like and what I have is more crampy discomfort but not on a continuous basis. 

So the final report is that my ovaries look good and there is something in my uterus that could be either a blood clot or a gestational sac. I'll take door number 2, please.

I guess tubes aren't visible that way because he made no mention of my tubes.

He pretty much says there is "no structure" yet and he wants me back for blood tomorrow and another ultrasound on Friday. "We should be able to see a structure on Friday if this is a gestational sac".

So a big sigh of relief came around 8.35ish am EST this morning. Another hurdle jumped. 

I'd like to jump right to Friday with even BETTER news. 

Slow riser

So today I was patiently awaiting my phone call. I thought I was an hour away from the nurse calling when the phone rings. 

Hmmm, area code 301? Must be someone I don't know.

Hello?

Hi, this is Dr. K.

OMGWTFCRAPANDPEEMYPANTS.

WHY on earth is the doctor calling me? This HAS to be bad.

Your numbers are up. In fact it's great, you're at 933.

Ok, this is good but why are YOU calling me?

Are you having any sharp pains or spotting?

Well, spotting is the story of my life, doc, don't you remember?  I do feel crampy but it's not sharp.

What side is your pain on?

Um, um, lemme think here, uh, the LEFT?

You don't sound very convincing.

Well, to be honest, it's just kind of concentrated in the middle. What's going on?

I'm concerned about the slow rise you've had and I want you to come in for a scan. Can you come in tomorrow?

Do you mean you think this may be ectopic?

Slow rising HCG sometimes can indicate that so let's get it checked out early.

*big sigh*

YES - THIS IS GOOD. My number is great and he wants to make sure we're good to go.

Hello embryo, you better be on your best behavior and be snuggled tightly into my uterus.

or else.

Spotting again today.

This can't be good.